Anyways, to start this thing off and utilize my time before Irene hits, here's a writing sample I'm posting for class. I wrote it last summer while abroad in Ireland, taking notes on various monuments in the city of Derry (the site of Bloody Sunday). The complete piece included pictures of the discussed monuments, however only the text will appear below for now...
Throughout history, there has been great conflict, which in turn has resulted in great leadership. Unfortunately, we sometimes tend to forget the specific individuals involved in said conflict. While the general message of the war or battle may be conveyed, certain specifics may fall through the cracks. This is why memorials honoring those who fought bravely, and gave their lives for their country, are so important. It gives us a visual sense of not only who they were, but what they fought for and why. We are enabled to see all the branches of the armed forces involved, how long they were in the conflict, and much more. Perhaps the two most important memorials that I have come across while on this trip are the War memorials in Dublin and Derry. Ireland has been host to conflict after conflict for hundreds of years. There was the Battle of the Boyne, the Irish war for Independence, and of course the Irish Civil War. Each has shaped the island and its people into what they are today. These two memorials show us yet two more events in the islands history that are truly important to never forget.
The first memorial I came across was while in Dublin. It was of the Fusilier’s Arch located in the northeast corner of the park itself, facing Grafton Street. This particular monument stood out to me not because of sheer size, and the fact that it is the literal entrance to the park, but because of the architecture of the arch. The two columns, although at first appearing smooth and relatively simple in construction, actually contained very important information. The inside of the columns held inscriptions of the names of those who had served in the Royal Dublin Fusilier’s. The Fusilier’s were part of an Irish Infantry Regiment of the British Army, which existed from 1882 to 1922, following the establishment of the Anglo-Irish treaty.
This monument has been placed in the park to honor the memories of these soldiers because they gave their lives in the line of duty during the South African War, also known as the Boer War. At the core of the conflict was the demand from the Boer for equality, and that the British vacate their borders within 48 hours. Obviously, this did not happen. By the time the war had ended, members from the first 5 battalions of the Fusilier’s had perished, nearly 250 in total. Their names and which battalion they served on are listed in numerical and alphabetical order on each side of the inner walls of the arch. Of course, as with all conflicts, bloodshed is inevitable. We’ve read about countless battles in history books, and how many casualties there were. Yet it is a different feeling when you can actually look at something like the arch, and see who exactly died and who they served with. It made me really stop and think, not only of the past and what has occurred, but also of the battles being fought overseas now. I don’t know anyone fighting personally, but my brother does. Seeing the names of these men made things more personal in my eyes, remembering that it’s not just a soldier, but an individual – a father, a son, an old roommate. The monument gave me a much deeper respect for those who have served and who are serving now, risking their lives so that we may be safer.
What I find interesting about his particular monument though is that these soldiers were part of the British Army, fighting a war about equality. This is not too dissimilar to the direct conflict between Britain and Ireland, as Ireland wanted its independence from the Empire. Even in times of war, these two enemies still had their similarities, and in this case even fought on the same side.
The second memorial that caught my eye while in Northern Ireland was the War Memorial in the diamond in Derry. This memorial commemorates the lives of those who fought and gave their lives in both World Wars. It is an interesting design, as it doesn’t specifically mention one important person, but instead shows a statue of a soldier from both the Army and the Navy. At the top of the monument, roughly fifty to sixty feet high stands the statue of the goddess Victory, portrayed in her traditional manner of wielding a sword and having her wings present, looking down upon not only tourists, but the memorial itself. At the base of the memorial reads a very simply inscription: “To our honored dead and those who served. 1914-1918. 1939-1945.” I found this memorial just as interesting as that found in Dublin, not only because of the similar nature behind it, but also at the contrasting differences. The memorial in Dublin listed each specific casualty of those who died during the South African War. Here, the memorial builders chose not to list names. They felt that the construction of the two statues, one for both Army and Navy, would literally speak louder than words… and for me it truly does. It shows the cooperation and joint forces of the true branches, how they worked together to achieve the same goal in both wars, and risked or gave their lives to achieve it.
The statue of the Army soldier depicts him in the depths of a battle, possibly storming a field or standing over an enemy. He is positioned in a combat ready stance, his weapon raised and ready to strike with the bayonet at the end. Conversely, the statue of the Navy Sailor shows a more relaxed scene, but still conveys the message that he is ready for battle. He is shown standing on what could very well be interpreted as the deck of the ship he is stationed on, or maybe perhaps the dock where his ship is anchored, getting ready to board. He holds a very serious facial expression, showing that he is ready for what the future may bring during these conflicts. Just as it was back then, the attitude of our soldiers hasn’t changed. They are still ready for whatever may come their way, and will give their lives for the cause. I respected our troops, both past and present, immensely before I came across these memorials. Now, that respect has increased tenfold.
Thanks for posting this Skier.
ReplyDeleteTravel writing is an old and still popular genre, because the foreign stimulates us. We see it better. Our backyards are so boring that we wouldn’t notice a dinosaur walking across them. But a bathroom, halfway around the world, can seem like a museum.
Natives of everything from little towns to entire nations like to think that newcomers are clueless, but fresh eyes are keen eyes. It’s similar to how we can all give great advice to everyone but ourselves. An outsider is often anything but.
I appreciate your paying attention to these monuments and so would the artists behind them. You not only stop to think, but you put it into words.
Here are a few things to think about in this piece as you move forward in class.
First, break this up. Large paragraphs frighten readers for good reason. If you look at most good writing, even a dense article in a magazine, the paragraphs are no more than a few sentences, breaking down one thought at a time. If you are writing well, you should be able to get each point across with a few good sentences and move onto the next paragraph. I could make your essay read much easier just by pressing the return key a few times.
Second, as I mentioned in the brevity lecture, specifics reach people. At one point you say: Of course, as with all conflicts, bloodshed is inevitable.
There is no of course in this world. I should use it less myself now that I think about it. But more important, not all conflicts are bloodless. You are just making declarations here without any basis. Your first paragraph is full of them.
Stick to the details of what you are observing. Stick to the monuments.
Forget opening up with these large thoughts about war and history. Start with the inscriptions and sculptures that you so carefully appreciate. Make your conclusions from them. Maybe do a little research. Maybe even counter that research, if you feel different looking right at the statues. Were the Irish soldiers really happy fighting alongside the British in the Boer War? Don’t trust one source. Investigate until you feel confident that your readers can trust your words.
Speak from firsthand knowledge.
Which brings me to my final point. You speak of the War Memorial in the diamond in Derry. You don’t have to say it is in the diamond, but since you do, you have to tell me what you are talking about, because I’ve never been to Derry.
Again, like Strunk says, your reader is regularly drowning in a muddy swamp of confusing, poor writing.
Let your words be a rope.